Infidelity

Dealing with infidelity is an extremely painful place to be in.  The deceived partner feels guilt, anger, betrayal and a deep sense of loss.

• Is it possible to forgive this transgression?
• Is it possible to rebuild trust?

For the partner who had the affair, the issues are complex as well.  How much detail should one get into when making disclosures?  Will too much cause too much hurt? On the other hand, will limiting disclosures be seen as depriving the spouse of his/her rights to the truth?

Is forgiveness possible and what are the options?  Is there safety in the marriage and what led to this betrayal?

The first thing I want to do is you as a couple to stabilise emotionally in terms of adequate stress-coping resources. These could be by way of imaginal exposure, meditation, mindfulness-based stress reduction techniques and calm breath re-training.

Next, we will begin to explore expectations, values, creating boundaries and a safe space in this relationship to communicate with each other.

Once we have established these, I will begin with couples therapy and transactional analysis to you understand your own and each other’s issues, perspectives, expectations and the affair.

• Was this the first time the partner had an affair?
• What was the relationship like when the affair happened?
• What needs were not being met in this relationship?
• How does the partner who had the affair view the relationship and the affair?
• Can the relationship heal and is it possibly worth forgiving?

Eye Movement De-sensitisation & Re-processing (EMDR) could prove to be an invaluable tool in dealing with the painful memories and hurt as a result of infidelity.  What it does is strengthen you emotionally to deal with the matter as the bilateral stimulation is akin to REM sleep which s process mental trauma (read more about EMDR under the Psychological Treatments menu).

Depending on the complexity of the case, I will use different psychotherapies with the ultimate goal of ing the couple to come to a resolution (whatever that may be).

If you or someone you know has experienced infidelity, we are here to . Contact Us.